Jun–2014Self-Study #18Paris, 2022: I don’t want to say it, not really, but the whole time I’m here/there and in the final days especially I’m thinking constantly of him, my grandfather. Aesir. Richard the elder. I pass an enormous mural of an old man climbing a large set of stairs with a young girl at the top, her arms open as if waiting to embrace him. I’m standing on the street corner and crying but trying not to, trying not to because this particular well is so deep I’m afraid it will kill me. I’m passing the kind of restaurants we would have eaten at together, the kind of hotels he would like, the stores we would have shopped in. I’m missing him so deep in my heart and I’m walking through a parking garage I think when I realize but am unable to accept that those exquisitely happy times of my life are over. Who will I travel with, I think. Eat with, shop with, laugh with, call, miss, worry about, love. Love! as we retell our own mythologies. LOVE!! like a veil atop all my incarnations. What a strange life we had together but you see we were both so very happy.Contax RTS III