Dec–2021Self-Study #163
3:21pm, Friday. Here I am back in LA. Lunar eclipse. Days of heaviness, dread. I don’t feel any of myself. It’s difficult to write. No narrative. The letters difficult to shape. Bruises on my arm. Short hair. Different car. Reading Fire in the morning. Fire here at the counter of this café. Fire as a companion to my new insomnia, my out of body, out of time. New espresso machine, old jeans. This blue notebook. I don’t know where to begin, there is so much blue in my heart, so much water drowning behind my eyes I feel like if I start I’ll never ever be able to stop, drowning in all this blue. Forgetting to eat for an entire day and then two meals at once. Wine I pour but don’t drink. Coffee I drink but don’t feel. Pentax UC-1