Index of Self-Study
Since 2005
2025—solar plexus. Brief & sublime. Flashes of knowing:
2025—Memory:
2025—moon. Blood on all my sheets, in all my
2025—Theology    Art home    Italy
2025—“Half Awake And Half Asleep In The Water.”
2025—Salt crests. My belly sunburned, browned.
2025—Loft as erotic-temple + studio. salon?
2025—poetry. A time of great contradiction…)
2025—Poetry, god damn it !!!
2025—perhaps the actual story? “The writer”
2025—04/21 Butterflies & birds & blooms
2025—fleeting, a blip, one quick turn (time?) ((opening
2025—who knows, who cares. It meant something to me.
2024—“This vocational opera will have many acts.”
2024—Blood in my thong. Dry skin. Dry lips.
2024—Love, love, I have hung our cave with roses,
2023—07/01/23 4:30 or so AM,
2023—wisdom pre-consciousness. the destinies
2023—Holy pleasure of creation    March 26    sun on my
2023—MARS
2023—(Body monologue) Fictions?
2023—together we are reading this final chapter,
2023—divinity that haunts me still, “Flaming  June”
2023—and which now feels wonderfully meaningless.
2023—my hotel bed smelled of our sex, like
2023—Lingerie? To walk those streets. The Strand
2022—What is your devotion? (heatwave)
2022—Some whys will be dropping in with time.
2022—private ritualistic performances for one
2022—inside out through the portal of my heart. Delight.
2022—Bright red lips, backwards cap
2022—in theaters all over the world. Not long ago
2022—Dinner party #3. Looking for a white piano and
2022—Before and after rehearsal, nothing in focus.
2022—Walking the streets of Paris. Saturday
2022—Chronology & not. Narrative & not.
2022—The Artist. Everything right now: The Artist
2022—point & shoot; Paris list
2022—choosing Carmine + Citrona, flower installation
2022—Meghan: “my third eye is dizzy”
2022—beasts INCANTATIONS in praise of
2022—02/02/2022: (too much death lately. And what of
2022—perish, you have to believe me; things
2022—energy vividly released from form
2022—on my knees with our fire ringing in my ears
2022—Different hims and also all the same. Different
2022—“virginity”, rituals, archetypes
2021—3:21pm, Friday. Here I am back in LA
2021—Is this the grief talking?
2021—running, afraid to feel it. miles off course.
2021—art, & that will be my liberation as a woman
2021—this long hair? I’ve never found anything more
2021—“unfathomable emotions”
2021—for, me or him? brilliant, shining anger.
2021—my psyche as if swinging between extremes
2021—stuck in traffic on the bridge and wanting to fuck.
2021—what to protect? what to rebuild? the truth and
2021—Room 484 (4884?) Bad motel coffee
2021—Something more complex than loneliness
2021—The astrologers and the reborn queen
2021—lush life, Oros Street
2021—The question of an erotic life
2021—Desire as palette
2021—known it was the last. “The last.” Of what?
2021—love, how tiresome suddenly all these years of
2021—waning year/remarriage
2021—“woman/goddess/sea” (p.33)
2021—unceasingly, an incomplete yet unbroken intention
2021—Ghost-speak through the dreamwaves.
2021—Ali Smith: there’s always an untold story
2020—mirage photos, natal conjunction
2020—“That is all, (all?!) I want—reënchantment.”
2020—hungry slut seductress fuckable doll goddess
2020—pre-election deep anxiety trying to meditate
2020—2am kissing until my lips were bruised
2020—night shunga, moonstoned twice
2020—both the mystical and the demonic
2020—Day 24 higher & higher frequencies of destiny
2020—Day 22 “When I was young and studying
2020—Day 21 trying to erase the line between in here/
2020—Day 15 (confined to myself, I am
2020—SUB-TEXT. 7 home    feeling into my desires
2020—Day 9 love from 109 at the islander mid/early
2020—Day 7 do you feel fragile? sensitive?
2020—Day 6 questions of the nighttime!
2020—Day 5 FREELOVE visual poem the wedding, day
2020—Day 4 hester pryne, simone, goddess? virgin
2020—Day 3 3 cans tuna fish, humus or beet
2020—Day 2 snakeskin visions, symbols, dreams?
2020—(isolation; excerpts):
2020—patina, Song of India, 3 33, orchid, the cat
2020—tantric currents / pink
2019—This old costume, outworn.
2019—time? disrespecting the magic of
2019—she is never purely alone, but playing the part
2019—the game of seduction. His motorcycle. His
2019—07/03/19: the canopy of redwoods
2019—waves of feeling, strange constellations of
2019—What I’m left with:
2019—And tell me, what will you give me in return?
2019—& sublime relief, simultaneously, concurrently
2019—How to melt. I tried
2019—extravagant the desire, dark and moonless
2019—Notes on Failure.
2019—Is it lost? Repurposed? What context
2019—How many How many How many How many
2019—together, how lunar, how cyclical, these
2019—flowing, overflowing, abundant, relentless.
2019—Animal whispers, subtle cues. Delicate.
2018—Venus in fur/Virgo in fur
2018—(Before the accident)
2018—& about: tattoos, strip clubs, art, travel, New York
2018—Pg. 33: “the sweat of the absolute...”
2018—The bed its own strange work of art,
2018—mornings? Quiet, repressed heat, ferocious
2018—romantic love. I shall call this the theater of love.”
2018—kiss #2 (A new moon, the beach deserted)
2018—kiss #1 (12am at my front door)
2018—the paired-off women I know
2018—houseguesting II
2018—houseguesting I
2018—crying but for what I can’t remember
2018—Technique: refined so as to be abandoned
2018—first day of spring, drinking honeysuckle flowers
2018—sick days
2018—secret worlds, secret selves. I am always
2018—Party dresses & real reasons to wear them
2018—Awake. Awake!
2018—If love wants me, let it find me (Wednesday,
2018—Men-as-muse
2018—Anaïs’s intensely feminine, trickster “i”
2018—6:20, 6:30, 6:40, and still meditating, still
2018—Jesus year (velvet boots)
2018—sweat & heat & saliva & semen & blood &
2018—12th house. Venus-Mars conjunct. Fire
2017—The last morning.
2017—taste of, never forgotten the terrible pleasure of
2017—Thanksgiving morning
2017—Imagination? Hallucination?
2017—Anne Carson: “Discover all that is ‘feminine’
2017—mysticism, Saint Teresa
2017—coco gordon and art box (new dreams)
2017—The heat broke last night in a clear instant
2017—Pink moon lunar cycle
2017—used to be ours. Peace.
2017—smell of laundry and the smell of rain
2017—An entire ocean pounding at the door of
2017—Sutra #5 (Vibrate the cosmos. The cosmos
2017—And was it worth it?
2017—Los Angeles, Act II
2017—Interlude (retrograde)
2017—aloneness
2016—my own divinity
2016—Today I am full of witchy splendor
2015—In the elevator? At the bar? (karma)
2015—Random hotel rooms and sudden freedom
2015—Meditations in twin rhythm to my day
2015—reclaiming
2015—BLOOD MESSAGES
2015—There we all danced barefoot to the piano
2015—But also: freedom, strangeness, beauty,
2015—beginning (sob swollen, culmination)
2015—that wild, spontaneous landscape, but also
2015—After all of it, some part of me is still
2015—bad spirits. The sun feels like
2015—Untitled Love Story. Writing. Flying.
2015—strange hair, extra weight, these breasts?
2014—Matrilineal (Christmas Eve)
2014—What am I rushing towards, I thought?
2014—Like a charged field, waiting for the lightning
2014—Erotic degradation
2014—It was available, the sex, available, alive,
2014—the soul in love, and in question.
2014—“an eroticism liberated from monotony or
2014—“Desire is easy. And everywhere.”
2014—August. Puissance.
2014—words. Where have I been?
2014—this house that I despise more and more every
2014—Self stuck, prefigured, and haunted walls.
2014—Gnosticism III (Carson)
2014—“Faux travel novel”
2014—Light leaks Breathing room Poetry Paint
2014—Dream poet for hire
2014—as we retell our own mythologies. LOVE!!
2014—Writing this to future you, future me
2014—Her pioneer home, a terrible flu (29)
2014—Anne Truitt: “the only rule, to let the artist
2013—I rent a house, throw him a party
2013—The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath
2013—“... as we become aware of and complicit in
2013—False prophecy. The residency week.
2012—Suddenly, unexpectedly, alone. Relief?
2012—My mother’s mother, a Scorpio, a woman
2012—& bones & guts & words & fears & lovers &
2012—the stillness of my center a straight line into his
2012—Create. (Repeat.))
2011—Throw the Emptiness out of Your Arms: Rilke’s
2011—at least for the foreseeable future
2011—Self portrait with his self portrait
2011—Madrid & Montserrat, spells
2011—instincts for Spain, instincts towards
2010—The Glass Man, days of rain
2010—New city. New lover. New apartment. New
2009—private self/public self
2009—leave New York and rest in a strange place and
2009—Last night, Halloween. Will:
2009—The Tower (XVI)
2009—It’s full summer: hot sweaty sticky so bright
2009—Love, he said, love, my love.
2008—06/01/2008: Everything happened so fast.
2008—Adulthood is rotten. And young adulthood
2007—the nostalgia I feel
2007—A few days before our graduation.
2007—I am twenty-two, newly heartbroken, newly
2006—sex to have and men to love and words to write
2006—But it can’t be now.
2006—Dressing, undressing, redressing, costuming
2005—Theater of Love, previsualization
2005—the Queen of Wands.
2005—Valentine Rd.

© Amanda Shank (“poetic self-archiving”)— ‘26