Index of Self-Study
Since 2005
2024—((2nd bath. Last of the winter.)
2023—07/01/23 4:30 or so AM,
2023—the dead weight of gender
2023—paint under my nails, the smell of full moon
2023—Spiritualized on the curves
2023—Lunar eclipse, milky body
2022—What is your devotion? (heatwave)
2022—private ritualistic performances for one
2022—I feel myself between realities, skeins, silken
2022—art from Paris, Christmas silver
2022—Plums and mezcal on the floor
2022—Arousing, erotic, then nightmares.
2022—My first night in Paris (2:29am) it rains,
2022—point & shoot, Paris list
2022—Meghan: my third eye is dizzy
2022—I hesitate at the threshold.
2022—incantations incantations incantations
2022—sleeping in my tears
2022—energy vividly released from form
2022—Maiden 1-7. Ashes smudging up my sheets
2021—Is this the grief talking?
2021—The Hanged Man. Blue bathwater.
2021—“unfathomable emotions”
2021—photographic field notes, bad motel coffee
2021—lush life, Oros Street
2021—The question of an erotic life
2021—Waning year/remarriage
2021—Different hims and also all the same.
2021—“woman/goddess/sea” (p.33)
2021—motion, meditation, devotion, depravity
2021—Ali Smith: there’s always an untold story in
2020—mirage photos, natal conjunction
2020—2am kissing until my lips were bruised
2020—both the mystical and the demonic
2020—v2 12:48pm, 06-16-2020
2020—snakeskin vision, symbols, dreams?
2020—(isolation); excerpts
2020—in ojai: lip balm, incense
2020—patina, Song of India, 3 33, orchid, the cat
2020—tantric currents / pink
2019—This old costume, outworn.
2019—the illusion of the visible world
2019—07/03/19: the canopy of redwoods
2019—His motorcycle. His gardens.
2019—What I’m left with:
2019—extravagant the desire, dark and moonless
2019—tenderness lost, of destiny subverted
2019—How to melt. I tried
2019—a subtle vibration of disaster in the distance
2019—flowing, overflowing, abundant, relentless
2019—Rachel Kushner, café au lait, waiting for
2018—A dream about him, and early.
2018—Venus in fur/Virgo in fur
2018—soaked through with thoughts of
2018—Pg. 33: “the sweat of the absolute...”
2018—Cherries, peaches. Four bottles of wine
2018—Theater of Love, kiss #2
2018—Theater of Love, kiss #1
2018—but I am always in performance
2018—refined so as to be abandoned
2018—Rumors playing, windows down
2018—Red lips red nails white sunglasses leather-
2018—First day of spring, drinking honeysuckle
2018—If love wants me, let it find me (Wednesday,
2018—Men-as-muse
2018—6:20, 6:30, 6:40, and still meditating, still
2018—Jesus year (velvet boots)
2018—I have an artist’s blood flowing
2018—12th house. Venus-Mars conjunct. Fire
2018—The right thing, in the right way
2017—Anne Carson: “Discover all that is ‘feminine’
2017—Full moon, Friday. Gemini’s duplicitousness.
2017—Come over, he said, the rain is starting
2017—Love hungry on your lips.
2017—Thanksgiving morning
2017—mysticism, Saint Teresa
2017—The heat broke last night in a clear instant
2017—Anaïs’s intensely feminine, trickster “I”
2017—Manifestoes of Surrealism, Nadja
2017—Pink moon lunar cycle
2017—smell of laundry and the smell of rain
2017—An entire ocean pounding at the door of
2017—Sutra #5 (Vibrate the cosmos. The cosmos
2017—Copperstate Motel
2017—Act II
2017—An epiphany, from the depths of this
2016—divine voice, wild winds, energetics of
2016—Today I am full of witchy splendor
2015—Overnight ticket only
2015—Meditations in twin rhythm
2015—I will consider it an ongoing work of art.
2015—I will protect it as my own.
2015—BLOOD MESSAGES
2015—There we all danced barefoot to the piano
2015—But also: freedom, strangeness, beauty
2015—bad spirits. The sun feels
2015—Overflow & anarchy
2014—Matrilineal (Christmas Eve)
2014—What am I rushing towards, I thought?
2014—insomnia all around
2014—Erotic degradation
2014—“Desire is easy. And everywhere.”
2014—August. Puissance.
2014—Writing this to future you, future me
2014—Self stuck, prefigured, and haunted walls.
2014—Other Desert Cities
2014—He stripped naked, I caught the light
2014—Dream poet for hire
2014—Everything. What a world, our everything.
2014—To escape and return, to love and release
2014—Her pioneer home, a terrible flu
2014—Anne Truitt: “the only rule, to let the artist
2013—Silence. He asks:
2013—Two times graduated and going mad.
2013—“supposed” to be a playwright
2012—Suddenly, unexpectedly, alone. Relief?
2012—I wanted disorder;
2012—a place I no longer live, a person I
2012—Blue, Three Comrades
2012—once, we both dreamed of snow
2012—Splits & chasms
2011—Purging months & years & bones & guts &
2011—Self portrait with his self portrait after
2011—Madrid & Montserrat, spells
2011—instincts for Spain, instincts towards
2010—The Glass Man, days of rain
2010—Dog Days
2009—private self/public self
2009—Tennessee Williams, from his notebooks
2009—Last night, Halloween. Will:
2009—The Tower (XVI)
2009—reading Ginsberg, reading Paglia, reading
2009—It’s full summer: hot, sweaty, sticky
2009—Love, he said, love, my love.
2008—The last of the parties
2008—Not sure who I am in this
2008—Everything happened so fast.
2008—Erotic-Romantic-Platonic-Fraternal
2008—Adulthood is rotten. And young adulthood
2007—...the nostaliga I feel
2007—A few days before our graduation.
2007—I am twenty-two, newly heartbroken, newly
2006—Purple bedroom walls & a mantle & too
2006—sex to have & men to love & words to write &
2006—But it can’t be now.
2006—12:38am, something has snapped
2006—Dressing, undressing, redressing, costuming
2005—Theater of Love, previsualization
2005—Valentine Rd.
© Amanda Shank (Summary) — ‘25